Lost Soul

I spent much of the spring and summer of 2011 feeling like a lost soul. I felt so unsure of my purpose and my direction–a tough situation for a wife, a mother, a teacher to be in. Depression is not an easy thing to get through. If it were easy to get through depression, no one would be suffering from it! Sometimes the medical field is where we have to turn for help, but I didn’t find what I needed there. I wanted to be healed, I wanted to feel completely alive and fully myself again. I knew there was something holding me back, and I knew it was beyond me to let it go, so finally, I prayed to be healed. I had given up finding any other solution, and I surrendered it to God. Well, He had just been waiting to hear me submit! The response was instant and powerful. The second verse of this song speaks to what happened, but words aren’t quite adequate to describe the feeling of the hand of God on me. I remember so clearly that for days afterward, what I had been calling “the Wheel of Worry” in my mind was absolutely stilled. I was no longer tied in knots worrying about the past, the present, the future–I was calm and at peace. I can’t say that the feeling lasted forever, but the depression left me and has not returned. I am so grateful for this! I have so many blessings in my life, and it’s hard to believe that I was blind to them for a while. Now, whenever I feel myself slipping into too much worry, I remember that God is in charge–I can’t expect that I am capable of handling everything, so I let Him help carry the load!

album art 5Lost  Soul (c) Tina Pumfrey, 2013

When I was a child, I searched for you. You were easy to find, and I held on tight.

But time went on, and as children do, I let go of your hand and started to lose you.

There were those who tried to take your place, and as years went by, I got farther away,

Until the time came when I looked for you. Where I should turn, I no longer knew.

Can you find me, Lord? I am lost. I need you to be my shelter from the storm.

Can you hear me, Lord? Bring me home. I am so tired of being a lost soul.

You reached into me, gave me your breath, calmed the fear I didn’t know was there.

You called me by name, took me in your hand. I felt you Lord, you claimed me as your own.

You have found me, Lord. I was lost. I need you to be my shelter from the storm.

You have heard me, Lord, and brought me home. I was so tired of being a lost soul.

You have found me, Lord. I am yours. You will always be my shelter from the storm.

You have heard me, Lord, and brought me home. I was so tired of being a lost soul.

 

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2 thoughts on “Lost Soul

  1. As someone that has suffered with depression, anxiety disorder, insomnia, I can relate. I actually have prayed for healing as well, but haven’t had it. I am so thankful, however for God’s mercy by providing us wee little people with pharmaceuticals. I had a really rough childhood/upbringing and, in large part think that that is what contributed to a lot of what I have gone through and go through. Maybe one day God will give me complete healing, as for now though, I’m thankful for my meds.
    =)

    • Yes, pharmaceuticals are a great invention when they are needed. I would call my depression situational rather than clinical, which I realize puts it in an entirely different context. I am thankful for my healing, but I recognize that healing comes in different forms for different people. I’m glad you have a solution that works for you. God bless.

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